For a while now I’ve had a love/hate relationship with a little phenomenon called YouTube. On one side I can find any video I want in a matter of seconds. On the other side YouTube is ruining the future of the planet.

I do believe YouTube has some good inside of it. Some of these good things include instructional videos, presidential debates, news stories and other informative pieces. The only problem is, do we really watch that stuff? I know when I spend hours upon hours on YouTube I usually go from one video to another through the handy dandy recommendation box to the right of the video. It usually starts off innocent enough, but then takes a turn for the worse somewhere along the line. I’ll give you an example of the average progression of the YouTube recommended videos:

How to Use Social Bookmarking
to
How To Social Network Online
to
Social Workers Making A Difference
to
A Guy Shaves His Balls at a Social Gathering

What kind of horrible progression is that? Another problem I have with YouTube is when I type in something like “He Is Legend playing live” because I want to see my favorite metal band in action. The first thing that comes up is some faggot 14 year old playing a horrible acoustic version to one of my favorite songs in his attic. That brings me to my next point. People can put anything on there!

A lot of people say that the fact that you can put anything on YouTube is a good thing. I beg to differ. I have come to realize in my journeys that people, as a whole, have horrible taste in everything. So you have to wade through tons of videos from people who are “really getting there art out there, man.” To bad their art consists of a 16 year old whore dancing half naked on her webcam in her parents basement to horrible reggae music. Do you people realize that there are videos out there where girls get completely naked and do a whole lot more than dance?

Even after that hate inspired rant, I can’t stay mad at you YouTube. You may be ruining the world, but goddamn it, you’re making me too entertained by peoples stupidity to care.

I swear I found this video after I wrote the line above. I wonder how badly her parents wish they would have had an abortion now…

Tags: blog, comedy, funny, humor, youtube

I’m usually not a big break fan. I can usually go through my 8 hour work day with no breaks at all. It’s just another thing on the long list of reasons why I believe that I’m a super hero, along with being able to kill people with my sexiness. The other day, however, the annoying interrupter lady started in again with a high pitched laugh and I just couldn’t take it any longer. Apparently that laugh is like my kryptonite.

So I walk in the break room, grab a snack and a sodie pop cola, and sit in my favorite single booth situation. The only other people in the break room at this moment in time are these 4 extremely overweight ladies. I wasn’t to worried about it because severely overweight people don’t like to talk, it burns precious calories that they just can’t part with. Seriously, lose some fucking weight.

My snack of choice on this day happened to be Funyuns. Funyuns are a weird snack for me, sometimes they hit the spot, and other times they make my stomach feel like one of those giant cement mixers. It was about a 50/50 chance that I would be in a bad way after this delicious, onion-y snack, but I’m a risk taker who likes to live on the edge.

As I was about halfway through my bag of goodness, “Chin, party of 12″ started conversing about a variety of subjects. The first subject that they began discussing was that of “pap smears”. With a half upset belly of funyuns, the last thing I wanted to hear about was 4 fat, old ladies talk about their vaginal area codes. To tell you the truth, I don’t even remember the details of this conversation, I think I blacked out.

The next thing they started talking about was the only logical step, mammograms. Flabby, 800lb old, possibly hairy boob talk. At this point my life flashed before my eyes and I saw a bright light. I don’t think I’ve been so scared in all my life time. I might as well had been holding my knees to my chest and rocking back and forth while staring off into the distance and mumbling to myself.

Luckily for me they said something that snapped me right out of my “eww” induced coma. I heard one of the ladies say “Yeah, we’re having someone paint my garage but I don’t trust him, he’s a negra.” Wh. Wh. What? A “negra”? What year is this again? Then it donned on me. The only time I’ve ever heard racist slurs are from either old ladies or Dog the Bounty Hunter. I know there is still a large amount of people that are racist, intolerant cocks, but I seem to only hear old ladies come out with it, which is not only shocking, but hilarious.

At this point I whisper a comment to myself about how this is like watching a Midwest version of The View, and leave the break room for quite possibly the last time. You really don’t realize how precious your psyche is until you get it severely fucked with. That day my psyche got attacked by 4 full grown hippos, then tossed in a blender of racism. I may never be the same again.

Tags: blog, break, comedy, funny, humor, old ladies