“Please, for the love of god, please stop talking.” This is what I say to myself on a daily basis at my workplace. It’s not that I’m a generally disgruntled employee (I am), and it’s not because I hate my coworkers. It’s because I hate my coworker, not plural.

There is a woman who sits close to me who talks way to fucking much. It’s not even the usual “just start talking out of nowhere about nothing” type of talking, although she does that to. I can deal with those kinds of people because I just pop in my ipod earbuds and tune them completely out. No, this is a different kind of situation.

Every time two people are having a regular conversation, this lady feels like it’s her duty as a human to jump right into the middle of it. Sometimes she just throws out a short, paralyzing comment, other times she just random laughs at a pitch that makes my testicles crawl up into by body. Yet, other times she hears something in a conversation and just goes off. I’ll give you an example of a conversation that took place the other day (roughly):

Josh: Hey, I have to serve jury duty all this month, how do they pick people.

Coworker: Ah, you probably won’t have to serve, they just pick people at random.

Josh: Really? If I have to go in and get screened I’m just going to tell them that I hate colored people so they don’t pick me to be on jury.

Coworker: Hah, yeah just start swearing and being really racist, it has to work.

Annoying Whore: My daughter had to serve jury duty one time. They called her in and question her then she got to be on jury. She actually didn’t mind having to be on jury. I think she sort of liked it. She’s been notified about being on jury a lot though. They say you’re supposed to not get called for 2 years, but I don’t know, it seems like they call her more often… Blah Blah Blah.

I don’t give a fuck about you daughter, whore. But while we’re on the topic, how did you even find a guy to bang your annoying ass? Not to mention you bare a stunning resemblance to the Mucinex guy. See how she does this? She just jumps right in. I had other shit to say but now I’m forced to wait till the end of her rambling, not that I’ll want to talk again and risk another conversation hijack.

I don’t mean to be so harsh but goddamn it, I have to deal with this every single day for about 7 hours, so it was either vent my frustrations in a blog or become a suicide bomber.

Actually this whole ordeal has made me want to be more and more like Dexter, the serial killer who only kills serial killers. But instead of killing other serial killers I’d murder serial annoyers. I just go around murdering the most annoying people in the world before they breed and form more annoying offspring, before they overpopulate the planet and earth implodes because God gets annoyed with us. I’d really be saving the planet, so if you thought I was an asshole for calling someone out on my blog, I bet you feel guilty now, don’t you?

PS: I was actually going to title this blog “The Interrupting Cow” but I thought that’d be to over the line.

PPS: Bonus video linkage of “Interrupting Completely Uncalled For“

Technorati Tags: blog, comedy, funny, humor, Interrupting

So as you notice things look a little different around here. I changed the entire design of the site! Oh Happy Day! If you missed it I put a poll up asking which design was better, the old one or the new “test” one. Well only one person said the old one was better and as far as I’m concerned that person can go fuck themselves.

Things are still being tweaked and figured out so if you run across any problems Contact Me. Or don’t and just laugh at me behind my back whilst it goes unfixed for months.

Meanwhile I am on notice for jury duty for the entire month of November. If I do get chosen to be on the jury I hope it’s a rape case, and the victim is there. I’m always on the look out for easy women…