Well, it’s been months and months and months since I received an Ask Josh question here, but this week I’m in luck! I get two! In case you don’t already know Ask Josh is a thing that I came up with where people send me questions about what’s really bothering them in their life. It helps them out and it showcases how much smarter I am than them, so it’s really win/win.

First Question:

I’ve been going through a stressful time in my life lately, going through a divorce and all. With my new found freedom and stress, I bought a pack of cigarettes. Ive smoked off and on since I was 15, but have never considered myself a smoker, or addicted. My question to you, as I’m nearing the last smoke in the pack, is: should I buy a new pack, or stop while I’m ahead in fear of becoming addicted?

Well, let me start off by saying “smoking is awesome”! Seriously, there is nothing more attractive to me in a woman than the scent of stale smoke. Not to mention that when women smoke it makes their internal vag situation like two pieces of sandpaper stuck together with smoky maple syrup. Sexy!

Not only do I recommend you keep smoking, but I also recommend you to chain smoke. The reasoning is quite simple really. You’re single now, you could very well be the next victim of my a sexual attack. Well, each cigarette is like a mini self defense weapon. If some dude comes up to you, cock in hand, just stick your already lit lung candy down the perpetrators peep hole. Or, in case you have to fend off a really, really weak guy, or a small woodland animal, you could fashion together two cigarettes with a small thread and use them like nunchucks.

In addition to all that, I’m going to blame your entire divorce on lack of smokes. Yeah, you read that right. It sounded like you didn’t smoke while you were with him, and all I’m saying is that maybe if you did smoke, even a little bit, it could have saved your marriage. That, and if you weren’t a complete whore. All I’m saying is that maybe you should have spent a little more time smoking cigarettes and a little less time smoking random trucker cock.

Second Question:

is their a man spying me and is going to kidnap me

Yes, there is a man that is spying on you and going to kidnap you. I can also tell you that he is someone you turned your back on long ago. It’s someone that you probably don’t even think about, in any capacity, any longer. He feels like if you stayed with him just a little bit longer he could have helped you become a fulfilled human. He is, your English teacher! Learn how to spell and use punctuation you disappointment to your parents. I actually almost didn’t answer this one because I didn’t know if it was a question or a threat. Never read this blog again, idiot… Unless you’re going to offer me lump sums of money, then come back anytime, friend!

Well, I think that about does it for Ask Josh this week. I’d say, check back next week for another Ask Josh situation, but this is the first one since last September so we all know how that’ll turn out.

Tags: Ask Josh, Cigarettes, Stalkers