Alright, so I’m back again with another installment of “Ask Josh”. For those of you who have no idea what this is let me give you the run down. You send me serious, life questions and I try to help you through your trouble times with my amazingly awesome answers. This is where the funny stops, and I try to actually help people. As always click the “Ask Josh” link for more details and to submit your questions now.

This weeks question comes from a human named Kali:

Why is it that our greatest prejudice is against death? We spend immeasurable amounts of time trying to fight the event that will eventually triumph? It might be noble not to give in easily.. The most alive people I know have embraced death and live, laugh and love more fully than those who are afraid to die.

First of all, Kali, I don’t know who this “our” and “we” is that you’re talking about, so don’t include me in your nonsensical ramblings. The only prejudice I have is against minorities. Every single minority. If I’m eating dinner and there is more pepper in the pepper shaker than there is salt in the salt shaker, fuck salt. Do you understand me?

If you truly think that we shouldn’t fight death then I’m assuming that you’ve never taken any medicine to preserve your life, or eat healthy, or work out. Other than doing those things I don’t really understand how people try to fight death on a continuous basis. Is there an underground club where people go to the cemetary, dig up corpses and fight them under the moonlight? Because if there is, where the fuck do I sign up? I’d like to fuck some old bones up… Unless they’re like really tough and mean, because if that’s the case I’ll just stick to slapping my gigantic stuffed bunny I won at the fair, when I get angry. Maybe if you got off the drugs and learned how to think like a normal person you’d find yourself in a life worth preserving.

Do you know why people who have embraced death have such a great time? Because those people are criminals. If you have come to terms with your death, then why not just go on a murderous rampage and then get the death penalty or end yourself? Is that what you want the world to be, just a bunch of criminals running around having their way with you and your family? Of course you would, you desperate anti-self preserving slob.

Also, who are these people that are so afraid to die? Who even thinks about their own death on a regular basis? I know I don’t, but I’m a special case because I’m going to live forever. I’ll be here in this same spot, jerking off to internet porn and answering your stupid fucking questions for all eternity! Either that or I’m going to be super old and riding around town on a bicycle staring at people weird and mumbling things about time machines, the future and marshmallows. Either way, things are looking up for me.

Tags: Ask Josh, death