You may be remembering a blog post from me not to long ago in regards to a recent doctor’s visit. Well, apparently my person hates itself because I’m sick… again. It all started last Friday. As I walked out of the building in which I work I almost immediately came down with a fever, with a side of chills. That’s when I knew it was going to be another fucking awesome weekend.

I spent the entire weekend laying on the couch with a bunch of balled up tissues next to my laptop. At first glance, this may seem normal for an anti-social, self-hating, porn-obsessed human such as myself, but goddamn was this different. First off, my body was too hot from fever and weak to even attempt to abuse little (and I do mean little) Josh, even for a little bit.

I know this seems like opposite day because you’re probably saying “Josh, where’s the kick ass, fuck you, face kicking attitude you usually display for us to giggle our hiney’s off?” First off, only douches say “hiney’s”. Secondly, fuck you, I’m still sick and sweating and freezing at the same time. Plus I’ve been humbled ever since I tried to talk to a hot girl at Hy-Vee yesterday when she said “hi” and I said “how’s it going” in the most raspy, nasaly, mucus throated, alien sounding voice ever. I sounded like Chewbacca getting ass raped by a weed whacker. So sorry if my confidence is a little shattered at the moment.

So as I typically do, I went to the doctor’s office to get a prescription and my confidence back. If I was telling you this story in person I would say “long story short, the doctor bitch totally cock blocked me in the pill intake valve part of my body.” But since this is a written word blog, I’ll just type the whole situation.

After telling the doctor all of my symptoms and wincing because of my horrid voice and sore throat, the doctor just sat silent for a moment. Finally, after writing something in her notepad she looked at me and said “What do you think you have?” WTF? What kind of question is that? If you don’t fix me I know what you’re going to have! Your face kicked off your body, that’s what! But I was too weak to be angry so I responded with “A…thing that…makes people sick?”

Then she started rambling about nonsense out loud like she had no internal dialog and had to talk it all out. She went on, “well it sounds like you could possibly have a upper respiratory disease, and if that’s the case then we have to decide if it’s viral or bacterial. Do you know anyone who has Strep Throat? No? Okay, yeah, definitely an upper respiratory disease. I’m leaning towards a viral one. Generally for that you just want to rest a lot and drink fluids.”

Meanwhile I just sit there fucking bewildered at this ex-meth addict looking whore doctor that somehow must have blown a truck load of cocks to get where she is today. Not only, is she horrible at life, but she also totally stonewalled my prescription. She said that viral infections just sort of have to work themselves out. At least give me something to ease the symptoms so I can get my shit together. For all I know that girl at Hy-Vee could have been “the one” but this bitch of a doctor totally fucked me over with her lack of pill generosity.

Tags: Doctor, Sickness