This story goes all the way back to my junior high days. Oh yes, Junior High, the time in my life when I came out of the perverted closet. Somehow I thought that Junior High girls would be impressed if every time they asked if they could borrow my pencil I would giggle and say “which one”. I thought I was clever, girls thought I was a douche. It’s a fair trade really.

This isn’t about my pervertedness of the younger days, this is about me being a famous actor, in a movie, or so someone thought. It all started at a track meet. I was in track in junior high basically because everyone in my class was. I didn’t like it at all, I never really saw the point.

At this very track meet I was just hanging out, minding my own business as per usual, when a kid from another school came up to me and said “Hey, aren’t you famous?” to which I replied “Umm, I’m famous for borrowing girls my pencil if you know what I mean… Who’s with me?” As I stood there with my unslapped hand in the air he replied “No, you were in a movie weren’t you?” This was certainly new to me and I didn’t know how to reply so I did what I do best, and said “Yeah, I was in that movie where I borrowed several girls my pencil, if you know what I mean.” Even from a young age I had the skill to slip in stupid, ridiculous jokes in any conversation and make people roll with non-laughter.

This whole situation really threw me for a loop… If I could actually be thrown… for a loop. I don’t get that line actually, “thrown for a loop”. Is that a boomerang reference? Bending my body into a boomerang shape isn’t difficult, but I highly doubt that someone could actually throw me for an actual loop. It doesn’t make any sense.

The point is, I was so self conscious that I couldn’t tell if he was legitimate in saying I look like a famous child actor, or if he was totally mocking me in a way that I didn’t understand. I started thinking that he was most likely trying to tell me that I was to short and weird looking to be in a movie, or be famous in general. It really hurt my feelings (this was back when I actually had feelings). I was so torn up, in fact, that I performed poorly in the events that I ran in. Actually I preformed bad in my events because I was lazy, and it’s hard to run with a big pencil in my shorts, if you know what I mean.

Tags: blog, comedy, famous, girls, humor, pencil