When I was in Vegas two months ago I had many altercations with people that didn’t make it into my trip recap blog, for sake of length. Plus, as is the case with most of the situations I find myself in with people, they generally make better stand alone blogs anyways. The way this particular altercation started it made me think I was going to have a new friend for a few days, but boy did it take a drastic turn for the worse.

The day started out fantastically! I couldn’t sleep worth a fuck the night before, and woke up at 5am because of the time change from Iowa to Vegas. I wasn’t going to let that get me down though, after all, I was in Vegas! So since I was up I decided to head into the casino by my lonesome and get my gamble on. Well, 15 minutes and $60 later I decided I was probably better off buying $4 mini doughnuts and a $3 bottle of soda pop and head back to my room for a bit, disgruntled and soon to be stomach fucked by the “gotta be years old” doughnuts.

Nine o’clock rolls around and my father and I decided that it’s damn near poker time so we headed back out onto the casino floor. This was my first time playing poker live in a casino type environment so I was a little intimidated to be honest. Being as self conscious as I am I figured it would be a little mind fucking to be getting eyeball fucked by 10 people while I push all my money into the pot. Well, we noticed that there was a $35 tournament going on and realized it would be perfect for me to get used to things. That’s when I met what seemed to be a poker room manager. He seemed like a nice guy, probably because he had a mustache.

Right as we started talking to this guy I noticed the TV’s around the poker room were showing this guy getting his neck sliced in a hockey game. It was this clip here:

Being the conversation ninja I am, I just shout out “Oh my god, did you see this”, interrupting the conversation him and my father were having. I had seen it on TV earlier that day when I was sulking in my stomach cancer doughnuts. So we started chatting about the hockey accident, having a good old time. Then the guy started talking about how one time he was laying in bed, throwing up some sort of ball, when he accidentally hit the glass cover that goes over light bulbs and the thing fell and shattered, and a shard of glass went right into his upper thigh, narrowly missing his happy time place! Holy fruck!

This whole conversation was awesome! I thought we were friends now and every time I came into the poker room during our trip I could chit chat with him and act like I’m a regular big shot type, and could threaten people with my new friends powers. Then it took a turn. He went on with a story about how he slammed a glass door one time and that shattered and cut deep into his arm. Alright, that I can deal with I guess. You’re getting a little long winded, but still it’s still somewhat relevant so I let it slide.

After that he went further yet. He talked about how after the glass door incident he had to drive himself to the doctor and he got pulled over after passing a stop light that didn’t have a “turn right on red” sign, but used to up until that day, but he didn’t notice because he was in a hurry. Then when the cop came up to the car he let him go because he was bleeding. Then he still had to show up at work because it was his first day and he didn’t want to lose his job, but they sent him home anyways. Also, after every sentence he kind of gave us a look like we should at least be half chuckling. So I started out half chuckling at the beginning, but soon refused in protest of his boringness. Not even his mustache charm could save him at this point.

Holy fuck. This whole time I’m just sitting there, staring off into space, slowly realizing that this guy cannot possibly be a friend of mine. I went from happy to have a new friend, to trying to find a way out of this fucking conversation and how to dodge him for the next 2 days. I swear to god, if he had gone on any longer I would have round housed him right in the larynx (voice box, for you retards who might be reading). I sort of half wished that that shard of glass had stricken him right in the peen and sliced it in half, long ways, so it looked like a snake tongue cock.

Tags: Boring Story, Shattered Glass

Being a very successful and extremely popular internet blogger person (allegedly), I like to keep up to date on a little thing I like to call web site statistics. The main thing I like to look at is where I’m getting my web traffic from, like sites and google searches. Well, ever since I started this little blog I’ve noticed an extremely hot and sexy trend and one reason for me to be crazed with paranoia.

While perusing my world wide websites statistacals I noticed that every couple of days I get someone stumbling across my website by googling “Josh Scanlan”. While this may seem obvious and not a big deal, it actually is. Sorta. You see, I often times apply for new jobs in places like Las Vegas, Seattle, and anywhere but fucking Iowa. This is when it dawned at me that if potential employers were to Google my name, which they often do, and read just one of my “cock” and “fuck” laden blogs I’m pretty much cock fucked out of a potential good employment situation. This blog is effectively ruining my future (hint: send me bundles of money please).

There is also another paranoia that I might as well delve into right now. This other paranoia I have realized from day one and it seems to grow more intense with every potential blog idea I have. A bunch of people from my work place, including my boss, read this blog on a regular basis. Uh-Ohs! In fact, numerous potential blogs in my mental hopper, that I can’t write about currently because I may get fired or stoned by my co-workers. It’s a pretty miserable situation all together.

Now that I have the paranoia out of the way let’s get to the hot, erotic sexiness that I eluded to earlier. As I mentioned before, I can tell what people type into search engines to get to my site. Some of them make sense. Others, however, are nothing less than a very pleasant and erection inspiring surprise. Here are just some of the things people have Googled to come across my site in the last month or so:

• fucking in vegas
• white trash and mexicans in vegas
• boy was fucked his anti
• home fuck stairs guy woman
• penis shoots
• secret of fucked up facials how is there so much
• wife fucking in las vegas
• fuck my wife las vegas
• porn horoscope
• man fuck a female dog pictures
• white trash cock
• philippino vagina
• i let my male dog fuck me for the 1st time
• is it normal to have thoughts of killing?

Wow, I didn’t realize that I ran such sexual love fest of a blog! By the looks of it a lot of people want to have relations with other peoples white trash wives, and pets in Las Vegas and then murder them. Had I known this two months ago I would have had a different kind of Vegas trip entirely.

Tags: Search, Statistics

You may be remembering a blog post from me not to long ago in regards to a recent doctor’s visit. Well, apparently my person hates itself because I’m sick… again. It all started last Friday. As I walked out of the building in which I work I almost immediately came down with a fever, with a side of chills. That’s when I knew it was going to be another fucking awesome weekend.

I spent the entire weekend laying on the couch with a bunch of balled up tissues next to my laptop. At first glance, this may seem normal for an anti-social, self-hating, porn-obsessed human such as myself, but goddamn was this different. First off, my body was too hot from fever and weak to even attempt to abuse little (and I do mean little) Josh, even for a little bit.

I know this seems like opposite day because you’re probably saying “Josh, where’s the kick ass, fuck you, face kicking attitude you usually display for us to giggle our hiney’s off?” First off, only douches say “hiney’s”. Secondly, fuck you, I’m still sick and sweating and freezing at the same time. Plus I’ve been humbled ever since I tried to talk to a hot girl at Hy-Vee yesterday when she said “hi” and I said “how’s it going” in the most raspy, nasaly, mucus throated, alien sounding voice ever. I sounded like Chewbacca getting ass raped by a weed whacker. So sorry if my confidence is a little shattered at the moment.

So as I typically do, I went to the doctor’s office to get a prescription and my confidence back. If I was telling you this story in person I would say “long story short, the doctor bitch totally cock blocked me in the pill intake valve part of my body.” But since this is a written word blog, I’ll just type the whole situation.

After telling the doctor all of my symptoms and wincing because of my horrid voice and sore throat, the doctor just sat silent for a moment. Finally, after writing something in her notepad she looked at me and said “What do you think you have?” WTF? What kind of question is that? If you don’t fix me I know what you’re going to have! Your face kicked off your body, that’s what! But I was too weak to be angry so I responded with “A…thing that…makes people sick?”

Then she started rambling about nonsense out loud like she had no internal dialog and had to talk it all out. She went on, “well it sounds like you could possibly have a upper respiratory disease, and if that’s the case then we have to decide if it’s viral or bacterial. Do you know anyone who has Strep Throat? No? Okay, yeah, definitely an upper respiratory disease. I’m leaning towards a viral one. Generally for that you just want to rest a lot and drink fluids.”

Meanwhile I just sit there fucking bewildered at this ex-meth addict looking whore doctor that somehow must have blown a truck load of cocks to get where she is today. Not only, is she horrible at life, but she also totally stonewalled my prescription. She said that viral infections just sort of have to work themselves out. At least give me something to ease the symptoms so I can get my shit together. For all I know that girl at Hy-Vee could have been “the one” but this bitch of a doctor totally fucked me over with her lack of pill generosity.

Tags: Doctor, Sickness